Currently I have no job, no income, no home – (housed temporarily with angels) no credit and growing debt. Health insurance lapsed three years ago. I eat courtesy of the Food Stamp Program. Family has sent me a small check for to many months now, to cover car and phone expenses.
I am 54 years old, a college graduate with extensive work experience at an executive level.
I am your brother.
My situation has gotten progressively worse since I started looking for a new gig in early 2008. Resumes are submitted with no response, save an automated email acknowledgment. Applications for hourly jobs, mysteriously go unanswered and unacknowledged. Phone calls to my network reveal others sharing similar experiences.
Viktor Frankl wrote in Man's Search For Meaning1 that, "everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
In my recent experience this passage rings deeply true. While my circumstances are in no way as dire or profoundly evil as those that Mr. Frankl endured, they are as challenging as I've ever faced.
And.... I am happy, healthy and hopeful.
The situation I am in isn't unique in this country, there are stories published every day about people losing jobs, homes lost, families being uprooted, moving in with others; or worse finding no where to go, forced to join those who live on the streets.
CHOICE
Did I choose to be in this situation? Yes. I made choices in my life that put me smack in the middle of this situation. I am fully responsible for my circumstances.
I left my last position in 2006 and moved to a beautiful valley in Southern Oregon. I know. It sounds crazy. I gave up a 12 hour a day job for what?
I chose to do things that I had never done; Bikram yoga and ballroom dancing. I rediscovered the joy of singing in choirs. I read voraciously, walked regularly. Traveled with a beautiful friend to Italy, Jamaica and Australia. In short I took care of myself, loved and nourished my soul. I don't regret a moment.
Refreshed with resources dwindling, I confidently began to look for my next opportunity in early 2008. Wham! AIG. Wall Street. Bernie Madoff. Sub-prime mortgages collapse. Banks. Wars continuing. Broken government. In short, a lot of stuff hit the fan all at once. I am still looking.
LESSONS LEARNED
In the past two years I have learned what it means to be vulnerable, humbled; to have compassion for my brothers and sisters without food, income or their health.
I have learned the healing power of tears. I have learned to acknowledgment my fear and to move on.
I have learned that I am capable of hurting people. I am truly sorry, and beg forgiveness.
I have learned that there are times we have to give people we love space, even if it means we no longer see them.
I have learned how to ask and receive help. People will truly surprise you with their compassion.
I am humbled and grateful to the friends and family who have helped me in a multitude of ways. They are my angels.
I have learned that possessions are meaningless compared to food, health and love.
I've slept in my car; I learned I don't fit and couches are wonderful places to sleep.
I have learned that people can either look me in the eye and see me for who I am, not for what I own or do. Or not. I am some people's worst nightmare. They can't get away from me fast enough.
I have learned to love myself without equivocation. I am worthy of love and abundance in all things.
WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS?
I have thought long and hard about whether to share these thoughts with you.
You may be a creditor. You may be my mother. You may be my next employer.
I believe in the power of words. As a communication professional I worry that my words will be misconstrued, judged as ill advised and self serving.
Yes, they will.
Yes, they will.
I also know that some of you will truly hear me, that I will make a connection. I have worked with this kind of leader; people who lead with their hearts.
My silence isn't getting the job done – so I choose to speak from my heart.
I am asking for your help.
I am asking for your help.
I am willing to serve, to contribute, to lead.
I am here. I love you. I care about you. I am not going away.
I am your brother. How may I serve you?
Namaste,
Lon Fiala
Los Angeles, January 2011
1Man's Search for Meaning. An Introduction to Logotherapy, Boston: Beacon, ISBN 0-8070-1426-5; and Random House / Rider, London 2004, ISBN 1-84413-239-0; also: Washington Square Press; ISBN 0-671-02337-3 (Softcover, December 1997)
I hear you
ReplyDeleteFor whatever reason, you have been stripped of almost everything and humbled. Only you and your higher being (whom I call God) know why. I feel incredible compassion for you and know that any of us are only a few short steps away from similar journeys at any time. That is one of my biggest fears and what drives me to work the long days and hours I feel I must in order to meet the obligations I have chosen to have in my life. Years ago I watched my father travel a similar path of unemployment in an unforgiving industry only to find he had to reinvent himself to support his family for the 8 years prior to his retirement at 72. It was a painful and humbling experience for him but he made it through. He is now 96. I watched my late husband go through 3 years of unemployment (and the tears, self doubt, and depression that accompany), observing the various kinds of discrimination he experienced, until he finally landed a job that, although was not what he was used to, ended up being a blessing during the last years of his life. And most recently I have watched and experienced the frustration one of my closest friends experienced after a lengthy recooperative period from major surgery and the loss of his job and ultimately his home that, despite his job search efforts over the past 4 years, with a few brief periods of employment, has left him renting a room from friends and turning to God and church fellowship because that's basically all that was left to do. And I am only one person among millions who live in fear and watch as others struggle like never before. Some choose to face their struggles alone; some find support groups of one kind or another; some turn to self destruction; others find creative and constructive ways in which to cope with life's challenges. I can imagine what it's like (ask me about Kenny Williams sometime) and I can only hope and pray that that darkness never comes my way. That you have acknowledged and learned so much from this experience and can reach out in service to others with joy, hope and love speaks to your core values and your very essence. I, too, hear you. I see you. I acknowledge you. I find joy in your being, through your smile, your gift of music and your ability to share your journey with others. Sometimes I think we need to be broken (that's God's way of getting our attention) so we can make adjustments and find a better path. That you have chosen to either move beyond anger or simply not live in it is amazing. Maybe you need to look in different places? I do know that there is a plan for each of us and things don't always happen in Our time.
ReplyDelete